Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
