i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
