ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.