I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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