$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
