I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
