Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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