considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
