Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
