"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize