I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
