I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
