Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everclear isn't food dammit
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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