We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
