doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
