oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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