I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
