It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will be naked everywhere
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
