Cold hands, warm shart.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
