I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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