Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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