Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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