She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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