I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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