hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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