I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
