I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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