I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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