she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
