get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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