my sisters under your porch take her home
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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