A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
