Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i think i just lost a toe
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
