How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
