the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
