Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
4 words: hood of his car
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
