Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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