You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
