I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
