you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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