she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
