so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
