I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
