It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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