just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
