I can tuck mytits in my pants
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
