I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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