Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
