Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
