So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
