My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
