1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
