Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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