3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
