You work out of a Hotel?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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