I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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