I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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