His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
