did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
