Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
