Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
