margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
id be glad to
too bad you live with your parents still
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
