So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
