His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
