It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
