I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
