His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
