At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
