If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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