Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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